A real craigslist post made by a service member stationed in Hawaii:
Note to the man doing my wife
The first few requests seem relatively reasonable, TBH — just common courtesy things.
1. Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed and it is starting to get old.
2. You many be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer. It is fine if you have a couple while you visit (god knows I drink penty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you.
3. If you do drink the last one by more or leave money on the country I will pick some up.
4. Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason my 5 year old son believes if its not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink, unless you can recommend a better spot?
5. After doing my wife please use something disposable to wipe off with. The basket of clothes on the right is mine and the clothes are clean as my wife does not do my washing. I run out of time rushing to work. Last week my sweatshirt was crusty (thanks).
6. Please do not tell my children that you are their uncle, they are young not mentally challenged.
7. Please stop turning the ac up, You pay nothing and heco is putting it in my ass, my wife may like it but I think it hurts.
8. When she asks “do these pants make me look fat,” say no. You many think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pant that she will look just as fat in.
9. Stop eating the baked good. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday. My wife has not cooked anything that good for years and if she does she will not share.
10. Try shifting your weight when you sit on my chair. The recliner that I rarely have time for (Soccer games and practice, basketball camp for the kips takes much of my time and I try to help with school work too) has a groove in it that force me to roll to the left.
Lastly I would like to thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentines Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only ordered one meal. I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become awkward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me I will give you a heads up on when I will be gone and for how long so that you don’t feel rushed.