An Army veteran (reddit user u/MikeOxbigg) is curious about whether he served with what he thinks was the “biggest turd” in the Army. Here is his story:
“I got message at 5 a.m. today from a guy who was in my unit almost 10 years ago that just said “woot woot it’s the weekend!”
The extent of my interactions with PFC d*ck-in-hand: he drank half a bottle of Mad dog and puked in my barracks room. Pissed hot for a UA the following week and now he posts on Facebook about “The thin yellow line” since he has a sweet job working security at an office complex. He also had a 19yo girlfriend with a kid from another guy and two days after buying a brand new truck wrecked it into a tree because he was “trying to hit a snowman.”
He got separated after like 8 months
Everyone has a boner in their unit I wanna hear some stories.”
Can you beat this contender’s story?
“Back in the 25th ID in the 90’s We had a first sergeant (let’s call him 1SG a**hole) who railroaded a young private with some trumped up charges, in which the private decided to forego Article 15 and ask for a summary court Marshall ( I think; it was whichever one you can request) during trial the first sergeant was called as a character witness and degraded the private as a worthless fuck. The defense attorney had been alerted that the first sergeant’s DAFL photo might not not match what was on his uniform (Airborne, Ranger Tab, which was really stupid because we were in a light infantry division, and our battalion had a long range surveillance company of Airborne). Defense lawyer asked why should the judges trust him when he lied about his uniform? Don’t remember what happened to the private, but First Sergeant A**hole got busted to E-6, and had to force retire at 20. Ended up for his last six months as that dude who drives around the housing area checking on lawns and sh*t.
But wait, there’s more! So, I’m then senior E-7 in the company: I don’t know any of this sh*t is going down, I’m coming off of a year of physical therapy and surgery for a back injury from a fall from a helicopter (hovering too high in the dark), so in a light infantry division, injury means you are a scumbag. Next thing I know, the Battalion Commander and CSM come into my office and tell me “SFC Umanday, you’re the new 1SG of Bravo Co: we know you can’t handle it, but we will help you. If it get too rough, we’ll replace you.” I was absolutely floored. Turns out ISG A**hole had been badmouthing me to the leadership the whole time I was injured, as I was the most competent PSG in the battalion. Also, when I went into 1SG a**hole’s office, I found a box under his desk full of awards he hadn’t issued, because he didn’t like the soldiers who won them. As I’m going through the stack I come upon two awarded to me over a year earlier.
Happy ending: I was the 1SG for two years, also was ISG of two other units, had a great time. Best two years of my career.”
Popular Military votes for former Army Specialist Manuel Marquez, who knocked out his superior in front of his family, to take this award.
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